For the 20-year old: Three unrealistic expectations that harm!

Dear 20-year-old self,

I am going to share some information with you. This information is truly coming from a place of love and empowerment. Nevertheless, you may have thoughts like, “But you don’t understand, things have changed so much,” or “That’s easy for you to say,” or “I would never change my mind.” I understand because I would have had the same thoughts. I understand because I was 20-something at one point and all my feelings and decisions felt so real. However, I share this out of love because I didn’t have anyone to sound the alarms and shake me out of my self-destructive coma of falsehood when I was your age. I made lifelong decisions in the blink of an eye that was destructive. I made lifelong decisions based on what society, men, and others expected of me—I always did the “right” thing, whether it was right for me or not. With this being said, I survived it all. I have grown into a better person, and I know you are doing the very best you can with where you are at. 

I want to share a few of my unrealistic expectations with you now. All I ask is you take them in and allow these experiences to sit with you without judgment and know these are coming from a place of pure love. You are not alone in the fact that you feel insecure about the way you look, about what you are doing with your life, and about if what you are choosing is really the best decision. The truth is we all do the best we can in the mindset and situation we are in. However, the more we can witness others’ stories about missteps they have taken, the broader our knowledge base can be. Let’s be perfectly honest, most people are not yelling from the rooftops about all the mistakes they have made, but they sure do a nice job of flaunting and enhancing good things that they have in their lives. 

So, let me flaunt the shit that is not cool and the things that have allowed me to grow the most. I already applaud you for reading thus far, because this is not a post to make you millions, or a post showing you how to have clearer skin, or how to get skinny. This is a post to remind you to listen to your soul and listen to who you truly are on the inside.  Here we go…

The first mistake I used to make was to think being skinny and sexy was the key to happiness and “getting a man.” Here is the thing… “Being sexy,” to me, equated to being thin and having big boobs, BARF! This misconception is hurtful and false, yet this is the programming message many women receive—literally, a man-mad expectation of having big boobs—which is why I got implants at 23 years old, yuck! Of course, the man doesn’t share that these implants increase your risk of breast cancer or they can cause illness nor does it register that in 10-years time you will have to drop another 10k to fix the madness you put yourself under the knife to endure. So, did the implants make me happy? No! Did the implants get me men? Sure, but not for the right reasons. 

Of course, most any man will “want” a woman that flaunts her stuff, has big breasts, and looks like a Victoria’s Secret model, but is that the man you want to be with? What if we were taught happily ever after was really about being able to laugh together, experience cool things together, and grow old together? Not just about sex and the way we look? The real misconception was thinking that to attract a man meant I had to look a certain way and this certain way was depicted in magazines (now images on social media) with young airbrushed models that in REAL LIFE didn’t even look like their pictures. I was trying to live up to an image of being a living airbrushed model. I also equated that getting a man meant that I would be happy and if I was good enough he would want to marry me! But what about me wanting to marry him? I felt as if the “man” held all the cards. 

So my beautiful 20-something, know this… You are perfectly unique and beautiful just as you are. You get to choose your future just as you get to choose your next meal. You have the power of choice that is 100% yours! If you can get quiet inside for a moment and be real with yourself, I bet you will find that you are pretty amazing—I mean, you have been there for yourself each and every day thus far. You have accomplished so much. You learned how to crawl, talk, walk, go to the bathroom on your own, cook food, drive a car, help others, sing, play an instrument, write, read, and so much more. You are pretty incredible! 

“You are amazing just as you are. More beautiful than you can see, stranger than you feel, and more worthy than you will ever know.” – Unknown

Okay, another silly mistake I have made was placing more of my self-worth on how much money I have. Now I am a saver and good with my money (which is a good gift to have) but I wasn’t always this way. I would go on spending sprees to make myself feel better than turn around to pay off my credit card only to feel shitty that my bank balance was super low and the things I bought didn’t bring me much happiness. I would tell myself, “If only you made 75k a year—then you would be happy.” Then it turned into, “If only you made six figures a year, you will be happy!” And then it turned into, “If only I was worth a million dollars then I would be happy!” Let me share this with you. One million turns into two million turns into three million and BLAH! Money doesn’t make you happy! If you never fix what is going on within you, no amount of money will ever become satisfying. The truth is, it is the person you are becoming with the wealth that you start to accumulate that will make you happy! You have to grow with the amount of money or else you will lose the money. I mean look at the majority of people who win the lottery—they end up going broke! Why? They never grew gradually with the money! 

My amazing 20-something, know this… Money is a great tool and energy exchange. You must treat it with respect and not treat it as something that is scarce. It will flow to you in abundance and stay with you in abundance if you are aligned with your purpose and true authentic self. Never give money power over your ethics and beliefs and know that what you spend your money on will have a direct correlation with your health, wealth, and happiness. 

Special 20-something, are you still with me? If so, this one is super important. I really hope you are listening. I feel like this third unrealistic expectation is a really good one. Stop comparing yourself to others! Here is the thing, beautiful angle. You are the only you there is on planet Earth and no one else will ever be you. You are special and are here for a reason. You have special gifts that NO ONE else has and NO ONE else could ever share those gifts as you do. You are a unique being that has been given the limitless potential to thrive in this lifetime. You have been given the gift of choice and time. You have been given the knowledge to do great things. The questions are, do you believe this? Are you getting quiet enough inside to listen? You can never find emotional freedom and success in comparison. So here is the thing… Be supportive of those around you. Acknowledge their unique qualities and let your freak flag fly because for most people it can freak them out when someone else is living their true authentic life. They get fearful of seeing someone else do their thing. That is why when you are striving for your success you WILL have people try to bring you down. You will have people place their fears onto you and you will be tempted to slow down and make changes based on their fears and their expectations—DON’T! How you choose to respond vs. react is key. If you want to start a new business or switch careers or have a million babies, don’t let others tell you all the reasons why it will not work out. If you are truly aligned with your true authentic purposeful self you will thrive, even through the challenges, you will find your unique success. Everything will work out in the end for the highest good of all. You must believe that! 

I have some more lessons to share with you but not today my friend. I know this is a lot to take in and I will be in touch. Go into the world and continue to thrive. Take some time to check in with yourself and ask, “Am I aligned with my own expectations?” I am one of your biggest cheerleaders.

It’s all in our heads!

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